- An amateur built the ark and a team of engineers built the Titanic. That basically sums up why I don't trust Microsoft products.
- Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
- Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
- Flash is a program built for and by retarded cats
- "I invented it, Bill made it famous."
David Bradley (wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete on the IBM PC)
"Coding styles are like assholes, everyone has one and no one likes anyone elses."
- "Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it."
Brian W. Kernighan
- "Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing."
- "Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it."
Seymore Cray (on virtual memory)
- "Software Engineering is that part of Computer Science which is too difficult for the Computer Scientist."
F. L. Bauer
- "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
- "The ultimate metric that I would like to propose for user friendliness is quite simple: if this system was a person, how long would it take before you punched it in the nose?"
- "Writing in C or C++ is like running a chain saw with all the safety guards removed."
Other funny programming quotes and thoughts
Funny programming Tshirts
Phillips' Book of Great Thoughts & Funny Sayings: A Stupendous Collection of Quotes, Quips, Epigrams, Witticisms, and Humorous Comments. For Personal Enjoyment and Ready Reference.
SideSplitters Fantastically Funny Stories
The Comic Toolbox: How to Be Funny Even If You're Not